Only four to go in the #FORFEIT soundtrack. Track Nine is Red by Daniel Merriweather. It’s a beautiful but incredibly sad song. We’re getting into spoilersville now, but this song was the inspiration for a key scene in the book, and these lyrics could so come from Xander’s mouth:
All of these problems, they’re all in your head
And I can’t be somebody else
You took something perfect
And painted it red
‘Daisy, I know you. There are several things you’re really not into, but he did them all, didn’t he?
She took another long drag on her cigarette.
‘Jesus, I’m right, aren’t I? That fucking…’ Xander put his hands behind his head, taking a deep breath. ‘He tied you to that bed and did whatever the hell he liked.’
Slowly, she exhaled the smoke, not having a clue how to fight back.
‘You do know what that’s called, don’t you? It’s called rape, Daisy.’
‘It wasn’t like that,’ she said, her words little more than a whisper.
‘Wasn’t it?’ Xander shook his head, his frown worse than ever. ‘Or is that just what you tell yourself?’
No, it wasn’t like that. But she merely stared at him, unable to talk.
‘Even the other night… I’d never push you where you don’t want to go. Or is that the problem? You want another bad boy.’
Daisy still had no words as she watched him light a cigarette, swear and put it out. Even when he was about to leave her, he was sticking to his New Year’s resolution.
‘Stupid fucking me,’ he said, moving to the other side of the kitchen, getting away from her. ‘I’ve spent hours on eating disorder websites trying to understand you. He treats you like crap and you love him. I treat you like a princess and you still fucking love him.’
No, not anymore. She stubbed out her cigarette and poured another vodka.
‘Daisy, it’s half-ten. Is that your answer, to get shitfaced again?’
She shrugged, staring at the glass. She was a Has-been. It was her turn. But she wouldn’t lash out like Bethany or go crazy like Holly. She’d handle it with dignity and grace.
‘You know you never loved him,’ he said, ‘not really.’
‘What? Of course–’
‘I don’t think you even like him.’
‘Don’t be ridic–’
‘What are you doing tomorrow, Daisy?’
‘Going to the hairdressers, I’ve already…’ Oh God, was tomorrow the fifth? She had no idea what the date was. Her eyes burned again.
‘You don’t give a fuck about it being a year since you left him. It was just an excuse you used so I’d forgive you. Seriously, do you give a fuck about anyone but yourself?’
She turned away from him before the tears started tumbling out. Dignity and grace. Xander came to stand behind her, resting his head against the back of hers. She dug her nails into her palms, swallowing hard and taking deep breaths. Stop crying.
‘Daze,’ he whispered, ‘do you give a fuck?’
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If you missed the previous tracks, check them out here: